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She has a female mullet, a huge overbite, massive nose and tinted yellow glasses. She wears really dykey clothing, and I swear to god she tried to cruise me last time she showed up at a function. (I speakers bureau think she looks Jewish, but Jay argued with me that our friend and TSSHD devotee Mr. B would say she looks like she’s from Malta.) I went prepared tonight, knowing she’d be there. Wanting to look like the picture of heterosexuality speakers bureau I took along my fake husband Jay who – although not the picture of heterosexuality himself - I thought would act like a bit of a decoy. You know: I’m not the only other single chick at the table therefore she couldn’t imagine I’d be interested in her hairy beaver. Yes it’s crass, I know. But lesbians freak me out. I’m not really homophobic – I’m quite the fag hag. I hang out with gay men and drink Cosmopolitans.
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