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In hindsight, I'm glad of it. Some have become trusted, valued, important people in my life. I'm glad I have them, because every man - without exception - who I've met and tried to sustain contact with in the past three years has gone about things entirely differently. They want to "date" me upon meeting me. This is a source of constant confusion. My relationships with male friends are, zaftig without doubt, far better than those I have with my ex-boyfriends. Perhaps zaftig because I was a bitter, purple haired zaftig fat girl, and I had plenty of male friends, I knew what this "dating" thing meant - it meant they wanted to possess me, before they even knew me. I may meet more men these days but that's where the simple part stops. I find a whole new range of insecurity, jealousy and impatience to contend with from the men who do make it through the DMZ of my ego.
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