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But I couldn't say that to my Mom. It would break her heart. She couldn't fix that I saw myself as fat. I felt horrible every time she tossed another possibility over the slatted door of the dressing room. I'd always feared that hell was really some type of Orwellian reality in which I would be facial blowjobs damned forever to the harsh lights, 360- degree mirrors, facial blowjobs and those damn slatted doors of department store changing rooms. So I only told her facial blowjobs about things she could fix. That way at least my mom stayed unbroken. "My boobs don't fit" was always a popular reason. Who could argue with that? "It's tight in the arms" was also safe. For some reason, "tight in the arms" was not as hard hitting as, "I'm a fat fuck, Mom. Just wrap me up in a tarp, put some lipstick on me, and roll me in the direction of The John Sheridan." We finally found what we were looking for in the Mother of the Bride department: a tight pink crêpe dress with a dropped waist and Peter Pan collar.
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