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One week went by, nothing. Two weeks, nothing. I was starting to get a little desperate, thinking about all the shit I was going to have to eat from my friends because I couldn’t even get a date off my own Date Application Page, when finally a girl emailed me. She had just moved to forum Raleigh for a job, knew no one, and thought I was funny. We emailed forum a little and she seemed cool and normal, enough, but I had to make a forum couple requests before she sent me a picture of her. Once I got the pic it was clear why it took her three emails to work up the courage to send one. Ladies and gentlemen: She’s a fatty. Normally, this would have been an easy decision. I’d just say “Get the fuck away from me and go back to your trough,” and everything would be fine, but this time it was different. I had PROMISED my friends that I would hook up with a girl from my webpage, and Fat Girl was my only option. I put her off for a few weeks with cutesy email banter, while I prayed for a girl without an oversized heart to email me.
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