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A million fans choke on their pies as the live news struggles to find a place in their now-reeling minds. Fatty Vautin assures us it’s OK. We can handle it these days. Nothing wrong with it. Fatty admits it wasn’t easy to reconcile. “When I heard I thought, Turn it up. He’s too good a bloke.” Yes. In spite of everything, Ian’s a good bloke. No need to live get carried away and ban the post-match communal shower. It’s live six o’clock and guess what’s leading every news bulletin down here in the Antipodes. Young Prince Harry’s visit to the zoo. We chuckle at his discomfort in handling an echidna, as if it’s his soft, white, pommy hands that are the problem, not the fucking knives growing out of the thing’s back. He’s off to work on a cattle station. I think they want to toughen him up. Send him to Australia. Maybe it’s punishment for all those bongs and pills he quaffed at boarding school.
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