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Afterwards, I said to myself, "Sauron--" (I always refer to myself by the Dark Lord's moniker). I said, "Sauron, you should write a review for the Clark Schpiell. I mean, if teens a lesbian can do it, teens so can you." And I replied to myself, "Sauron, you're right. I should. God knows I haven't written anything since moving to LA, this cultural wasteland, this good-taste black hole, so why not a good, old-fashioned, pussy-loving movie review?" To conclude, here's a scene-by-scene, or actually, beer-by-beer breakdown of my personal viewing of TLOTR:TFOTR:SEE. Crack a cold Schlitz (or Hamm's if you're feeling spendy) and enjoy. BEER #1 Hmm, interesting. The opening sequence is a bit longer than the theatrical version. I don't know if it's necessary, but it does include some important background information. I love the shot of the nine kings of men. It's so foreboding and eery. BEER #2-6 I wonder how much longer this opening sequence is going to last. I need more Sauron kicking ass, less Cate Blanchett blah, blah, blah.
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