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Maybe said with a laugh, like you don't even care. You never see a body like yours portrayed as sexy or attractive. Not anywhere. Not by anyone. You stop believing you are sexy or attractive. You hate anything that calls attention to your size. Trying on friends' clothes, putting on seat fassbinder belts and having to adjust them, a muscular friend who can pick you up but can't lift you very far off the ground. A dozen things a day, fassbinder it seems. You hate to eat or fassbinder drink in front of anyone. You are afraid you will be judged as pathetic if you eat a salad, or a disgusting pig if you eat a cheeseburger. All you know is, your choices will be judged. You're fat. Food is your enemy. You wish you were invisible.
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